Mask Off

I love to write, I buy tons of journals excited because they all begin blank, then I slowly fill the pages with random thoughts, musings and babbles. I write because sometimes I can’t talk to anyone else. Fear of judgement or just being left.. That happens a lot.. I have made so many dumb choices in my life, and sometimes I am so proud of my stupidity and other times it brings tears to my eyes. I am a storm with highs and lows, and the world suffers at my wrath. Maybe thats why I have gained and lost so many friends. Maybe thats why the one person who successfully ran with my heart threw it at my feet. My poor battered heart that I have no one to blame but myself. I know that these words will fall to strangers and thats how I like it. I battle depression a lot thoughts of why do I exist cross my mind and sometimes I cry for no reason other than that I hate my life and what it has become. I want to run so far that I can’t even find myself. I want to be someone who I once was, or the girl I should be. I feel trapped I hide in my room and wish I could do something have someone to lean on. I with my harsh tongue, and sturdy walls have pushed everyone away… There are those who would have me, but I will not have them. Does that make me the cause of my own suffering? Maybe so, but even still they are bad for me and I for them I have come to realize I am poison, maybe for all who know me, or maybe just for them I know not, but either way, I run. I put on a smile, and then it fades. I fake happy to please the world. I have hurt people, and that pains me. I have hurt myself I deserve it…

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