Shower Epiphanies

I love my shower time ( I know I know your thinking wow this already starting off weird but stay with me) I like to cut loose and dance, or just be alone with my thoughts(another scary thought) So I’m watching the voice and then I’m in the shower thinking how awesome it is that those kids/ adults are chasing their dreams. I recently started to chase my own dream only to become very disillusioned in the end. All my life I wanted to be a fashion designer from the time I was three to now its been all I have ever wanted to do. Well here I am I get the guts to chase that dream, I transfer collages change majors uproot my life just to realize how wrong I was. This led to be being angry, depressed, and very bitter (go back and read some other posts). So I as I am thinking how mislead I was in chasing this pipe dream it occurs to me that my style( or lack thereof) is all costume, I love to dress a part. I go full out in whatever I feel the clothes saying I don’t really follow normal style guide lines. My previous major I felt at home I felt like I fit in and that I did not stick out like an elephant amongst a million giraffes. Its been a long journey to get here to finally feel like I have some direction, because for a while I was lost in the desert. So here is something that kind of made me realize how much I truly love costume design (please ignore the inconsistencies and disproportions)

Belle in the 1920s again please ignore my poor drawing skills

Belle in the 1920s again please ignore my poor drawing skills

20141102_152459

Still feel like writing.. I just want to say thanks to everyone who reads this or follows me it means a lot..
This year has been a rough one, especially with friends. I have lost some people who I will always cherish in my heart and gained some amazing people along the way. One friend and I in particular had a temporary falling out. She pointed out to me that I was not being the best friend I could have been part of me wanted to drop the friendship and say good riddance, but I am so glad that I didn’t because not only this girl still one of my closest friends but she also has helped get through this year in one piece honestly I don’t know what I would do without her. This semester has also made me rethink some friendships that I honestly thought were unquestionable and its shaken me, more than I like to admit. One friend in particular I have felt just hasn’t been there for me, and honestly it hurts, Im the kind of person that whatever you need im there no matter what. I thought based what I had observed they were the same, but it seem that is not the case or maybe Im just not good enough. I have observed them drop everything for others in the past so I’m left with the question why not me? I have been questioning my self worth a lot lately, wondering if people really think I’m worth the time,or if im honestly good at anything. I question am I good enough daughter because it feels like my sister is always just going to be better, her shadow not even attainable. It sometimes seems to me that I am not based on other around me. I started to cry as I was writing this because I’m honestly being transparent as possible something that I don’t do ever. I have a lot of walls and this is the only place I feel that I can put them down. And I can still barely do it. Let me know what ya think be honest….

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